HOOK: Letters from the back line
Issue date: 3/20/08 Section: Opinion
Ordinarily, I don't have time to respond to the fan(s) who write me letters, but I decided to use this Spring Break to sit down and respond to a couple of questions I seem to get time and time again. If your question didn't get answered . . . who am I kidding? These are all the questions I've ever received:
Our first letter comes to us from Jess in Warren Towers. Jess writes:
Dear Justin,
How do come up with your columns each week?
Your biggest fan,
Jess
Dear Jess:
Great question, I get this one a lot. It's not easy, let me tell you. Sometimes stories just fall into my lap, like last week's column ("Life in the fat lane: What it's like to get a lap dance from a morbidly obese woman," Feb. 30, p. 8.) Other times, I have to dig deep, back to stories from earlier in my life. I try to keep them as recent as I can, but every once in a while, I have to go way back in the archives. Remember my Jan. 24 column, "Circle circle, dot dot, girls have cooties? not!" about my adventures in pubescence? That story actually took place like three years ago. Did you notice? I bet not! But don't be jealous. My mom says I'm an early bloomer.
But when you say "come up with," it makes it seem as though you think I'm making some of this up. You've got some nerve, Jess -- if that is your full and legal name. But rest assured, you could not be further from the truth. Every word of this column is told exactly the way the events happened in real life.
Jess: What about the time you said you "totally did Marilyn Monroe"?
Justin: What the hell? It's beyond the laws of physics for you to be interjecting into my own column as I'm writing it. How is this happening?
Jess: It's quite possible you've gone mad.
Justin: I've considered that - I do enjoy making felt hats now and then. But let me clarify about the Marilyn Monroe thing. What I meant was, I once saw her. You know, like when someone says they've "done Boston" to mean they've seen the sights? That's what I meant. I meant I saw her. Well, a photo of her. Or maybe it was Lindsay Lohan. Oh my gosh, they are so alike, right?
Our first letter comes to us from Jess in Warren Towers. Jess writes:
Dear Justin,
How do come up with your columns each week?
Your biggest fan,
Jess
Dear Jess:
Great question, I get this one a lot. It's not easy, let me tell you. Sometimes stories just fall into my lap, like last week's column ("Life in the fat lane: What it's like to get a lap dance from a morbidly obese woman," Feb. 30, p. 8.) Other times, I have to dig deep, back to stories from earlier in my life. I try to keep them as recent as I can, but every once in a while, I have to go way back in the archives. Remember my Jan. 24 column, "Circle circle, dot dot, girls have cooties? not!" about my adventures in pubescence? That story actually took place like three years ago. Did you notice? I bet not! But don't be jealous. My mom says I'm an early bloomer.
But when you say "come up with," it makes it seem as though you think I'm making some of this up. You've got some nerve, Jess -- if that is your full and legal name. But rest assured, you could not be further from the truth. Every word of this column is told exactly the way the events happened in real life.
Jess: What about the time you said you "totally did Marilyn Monroe"?
Justin: What the hell? It's beyond the laws of physics for you to be interjecting into my own column as I'm writing it. How is this happening?
Jess: It's quite possible you've gone mad.
Justin: I've considered that - I do enjoy making felt hats now and then. But let me clarify about the Marilyn Monroe thing. What I meant was, I once saw her. You know, like when someone says they've "done Boston" to mean they've seen the sights? That's what I meant. I meant I saw her. Well, a photo of her. Or maybe it was Lindsay Lohan. Oh my gosh, they are so alike, right?
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